


Little Wonders

by AuthentiKait



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: All I do is write crack, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arthur!Harry, Aunty Roxy is my kink, Children, Clucky Harry Hart, Co-Written, Crack, Daisy Unwin is three, Daisy is spoilt but they love her, Eggsy is the best brother, Established Hartwin, F/M, Harry Hart Lives, Harry Hart hates all children except one, Harry Hart is a Little Shit, Harry Hart is petty, Harry Hart might be a good spy but he cannot discipline a child, Hartwin living together, Kingsman Crack, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Merlin is not child compatible, Michelle Unwin gets a break, OOC Harry Hart, Out of character Harry Hart, Post- Kingsman: The Secret Service, Post- Secret Service, Post-Canon, Spies and children do not mix, Spies raise children too, The Kingsman knights are little shits, The crack fic nobody asked for, The perils of raising a child, The raising children AU no one asked for, babysitting au, crackfic, happy family fic, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 15:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15710430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthentiKait/pseuds/AuthentiKait
Summary: This work was cowritten with hartwin-trashheap on Tumblr! We haven't spoken for a while but I just wanted to finish it. Miss working with her <3Harry Hart is not compatible with small children.Until he gets saddled with babysitting a Miss Daisy Unwin for two weeks.Children are harmless, right?Where Harry is a clueless parent, Eggsy is the best brother, Merlin can't stop laughing and the Kingsman knights have unceremoniously adopted a small blonde three year-old.





	Little Wonders

**Author's Note:**

> This work was cowritten with hartwin-trashheap on Tumblr! We haven't spoken for a while so I don't know if she's on AO3, but if she is I will add her account as a co-author in an instant. We've been sitting on this fic for over two years, and were so close to finishing, so I just went and did it. Hope that's okay! If you're reading this, miss smol, hmu and let's catch up <3 
> 
> This is set after The Secret Service, and was written before even the barest hint of The Golden Circle was released. Also, it's pure unadulterated crack, FYI. Enjoy hopeless spies who cannot parent for shit.

**Little Wonders**

 

Harry Hart hadn’t much experience with children, to be quite honest. An only child, with no siblings, nieces or nephews to speak of, he had dealt with small humans very little. Having mostly childless friends (Kingsman left little time for children) nor a spouse of his own, he never really expected for offspring to take precedence in his life. However, at the re-introduction of Eggsy Unwin into his life, in a much more prominent role (think boyfriend, not small boy), and the presence of said boyfriend’s juvenile sister, Harry was forced to reconsider such conclusions he had drawn up. Particularly so when Daisy Unwin came into his care, and Harry realised he had .0% experience with children.  _ Shit _ **_._ **

 

But he was an international spy connoisseur, a gentleman, and first and foremost, a deadly Kingsman. Caring for an adorable 3 year old couldn’t be much harder than disassembling a bomb in Times Square whilst fighting off various spray-paint artists with ten seconds to spare. Right?

 

Wrong.

 

In Harry’s entire life, he had never been tangled in a situation where he needed to deal with children - yet he found himself staring at a familiar young girl. Around the age of three, give or take a few months, who was staring back at Harry with the same blue eyes he had the remarkable fortune to look into every single morning.

 

“She’s a good babe, shouldn’t be too much trouble for ya,” Harry faintly registered Michelle saying in the background as Daisy peered at Harry inquisitively from behind her mother’s knee. “And Eggsy’ll fill in the blanks, he’s so good wif’ her it’s like she’s his kid, not mine, right babe?”

 

“‘Course I will, Mum,” Eggsy was at Harry’s side, the touch of his partner’s hand on his back calming him slightly. So at ease with his loved ones, a cheeky grin on that beautiful face, how could Harry not be filled with love at the very sight of him?  “It’s only a couple o’ weeks. And if there’s a problem, which there won’t be, we’ve got ya number, eh?”

 

“Ya, I’m only in France, the holiday’ isn’t in bloody Australia or nuffin’-” Michelle bent down to give Daisy a kiss and cuddle goodbye, handing her to her big brother before giving Eggsy an affectionate peck on the cheek. Since Eggsy had joined Kingsman, the more-than-adequate income the job provided had brought the Unwin family to a much happier stage in their lives. With Dean firmly out of the picture, and Michelle now with a stable job as a hairdresser at a local salon, things were looking up. Even more prominently so when Michelle and two of her closest friends had won a 14 day, all-expenses-paid wine and cheese tour around France.

 

“-An’ I trust ya with me baby, ‘Arry, since ya take such good care of me other one,” she laughs before Harry is on the receiving end of a perfumed kiss on the cheek. 

“I’m off t’ finish packin’ now. All her clothes ‘n toys ‘n things are in the bag I gave ya, and ya’ve got keys t’ the house in case there’s an issue. Ya be good l’il flower, for Eggsy and ‘Arry, yeah Dais?”

 

“Yes, Mummy,” comes the cherubic high voice, and with one final chorus of goodbyes, Michelle walks out the door of Harry’s now safely child-proofed townhouse. And at that terrifying moment, realising the enormity of the task ahead,  Harry recalls his conversation with Eggsy the night before.

 

“My dear boy, you  _ do _ realise I have next to no experience with children?”

 

“You’ll be fine, ‘Arry,” his lover had consoled him sleepily, stroking his cheek comfortingly as they cosied up together in their nice, warm bed. “A couple o’ days, an’ you’ll be a natural, promise.”

 

It took everything Harry Hart had in him then, looking at the child perched in Eggsy’s capable arms, to not  audibly gulp.

 

“Now ya remember ‘Arry, eh Dais?” He saw his partner smiling gently at him, directing the girl’s attention towards Harry. “He’s Eggy’s boyfriend, he met ya when you was a baby a couple times, and he comes over for dinner wi’ me sometimes.”

 

“Hmm…,” the little one narrowed her eyes at Harry for a long moment, as Harry waited with bated breath.

 

Daisy suddenly rubbed her eyes and buried her head in Eggsy’s shoulder, and Harry’s own  slumped slightly.

 

“Don’t worry, babe, she’s just tired,” Eggsy whispered to Harry encouragingly as he made a beeline towards the spare bedroom, hoisting the now sleepy child in his arms. “She’ll warm up to ya eventually, she knows ya well enough.”

 

‘And how exactly does one win over a child?’ Harry pondered for a moment. Maybe research would help- Google would surely hold the answers.

  
  


Unfortunately for Harry, Eggsy was to go on mission in Moscow, which meant leaving the former alone with Daisy - and that spelt panic with a capital p for Harry. He was stuck there in his own house, looking at the small child propped up on his hip after saying goodbye to Eggsy.  _ Oh, _ it was going to be a  _ very long _ weekend.

 

SO IN THE END, Harry spends an astronomically large amount of time Googling his way through the care of a child. More specifically, a three year-old girl named Daisy Unwin.

 

Harry when he was scrolling across the variety of different babysitting websites, he came stumbling across a suitable website -  _ “Babysitting for desperate dads _ .”

 

Scratching his head, Harry browses the website in which he comes across many articles that describe his situation almost perfectly. _Almost_. They only missed out one minor point - the fact that Harry was _almost twice the age_ of the younger fathers on the website, and because of this, many of the things they did were beyond his capabilities, despite him being a spy and all.

 

“Well this is helpful.” Harry sighed to himself as he came across a thread called ‘Bring your child to work’. ‘ _ Yes, I should definitely take the most precious thing in Eggsy’s life to  _ work,  _ where killing people and handling explosives are just child’s play and where we could be killed any second by our enemies,’  _ Harry thought.

 

As if having the child in his house who is running around to _God knows where_ isn’t difficult enough. She’s probably his gadget drawer. _Oh god, the_ _weapons_. He immediately bolted to his bedroom, only to find the small girl playing around with the hand-grenade-disguised lighter.

 

“Daisy Unwi!!” Harry’s tone was stern, earning a whimper from the three year-old. A long, drawn out minute of silence was then interrupted by a tiny squeak, followed by a loud howl. All of the blood had drained out of Harry’s body as he watched huge balls of tears roll down her face.

 

“N-no, Daisy - Daisy, shh… shh - shh!” Harry desperately tried to stop Daisy from crying. He was trying all the tricks he had learnt online - Yes, he _did_ memorise the ‘ _100 ways to pacify a crying child,’_ cooing noises, soft words- but none of them worked, to Harry’s dismay.

 

“Oh no… Oh no this is a disaster, isn’t it?” Harry picked up the crying child and propped her up onto his hip, bouncing on the spot, trying oh so desperately to stop the girl from crying. The grenade-lighter was now mercifully forgotten on the floor. Oh god, this was only his first few days of babysitting- how on earth was he going to last two whole weeks?!

 

“Awww, Harry,” Merlin’s voice rung in his ears, through his comm link. “Ye made the wee bairn cry.”

 

Harry’s eyes narrowed at Merlin’s teasing tone.

 

“Merlin, I swear upon my grave that if you do not log out of my live feed right now, you are a dead man.” Harry could practically imagine the other man shaking with laughter.

 

“Oh dear, it’d be such a shame if all the other knights saw this, eh Harry?” Merlin snickered over the comm link.

 

“It’d also be a shame if you never saw the light of day again, Merlin; not that you see much of it as it is, in that bloody dungeon of yours,” Harry retorted, before switching Merlin off mid-snicker. Time to focus on consoling the still sniffling child in his arms, just as Eggsy walked through the bedroom door, fresh home from work.  _ Ohthankgodyou’rehome- _

 

“Oi, don’ swear in front o’ her!” The younger agent scolded lightly, coming over to give his little sister a peck on the cheek and Harry an identical one on the lips. “Teachin’ ‘er bad habits, ya are- Mum’ll kill me if she picks anyfin’ up.”

 

Eggsy frowned slightly for a moment at the sight of Daisy’s tear-streaked face, giving Harry a questioning glance. “Why’s she cryin’?”

 

“She found the gadget drawer,” Harry sighed as Eggsy took the offending child out of his arms and propped her in his own, murmuring soft words of consolation and stroking her soft blonde pigtails. The sight was rather charming, Harry noted mentally. He had seen Eggsy interact with Daisy before here and there, but the unbreakable bond the siblings shared was ever more obvious to all around them.

 

“Hmm,” Eggsy thought aloud for a moment, before meeting eyes with his little sister. “Now now, Miss Dais, what’s Mummy told ya about pokin’ round places ya shouldn’t?”

 

“She says no,” the child mumbled, eyes downcast and lip pouting.

 

“An’ just cause Mummy’s not here, that don’t mean them rules don’t matter now, eh?”

 

“No, Eggy.”

 

“Ok, so can ya say ya won’t go pokin’ in drawers again, eh? Cause udderwise I gotta put ya in Time-Out.”

 

“No!” The horror on the little girl’s face at the threat was fairly comical, and Eggsy nodded his head seriously. 

 

“Exactly. So say sorry to ‘Arry please, Dais,” he raised his gaze to meet Harry’s, and the little girl’s eyes followed. “Sorry, and a cuddle.”

 

“Sorry, ‘Arry,” Daisy announced, before Harry found himself holding the little girl once more.

 

“Now that weren’t so bad, hmm?” Eggsy gave Harry an encouraging smile over the top of the little blonde head, and the warmth in those baby blues always made Harry melt. Even to this day, a fair ways into their relationship, it always amazed Harry just how much of an effect Eggsy Unwin’s smile had on him. 

 

A smile, that he would later find out, had also been inherited by the younger Unwin. 

 

Eggsy was still in Macau, currently trying to outrun the guards who were hot on his tail when suddenly his Kingsman-issue phone rang loudly, with a certain someone’s name written on it.

 

“‘Arry? Can’t really talk right now. Kinda in the middle of runnin’ away from people who want me head hung up on their wall.”

 

“I know Eggsy, I know…” Harry’s voice trailed off. “But the baby’s crying again and I can’t work out why, she’s been grizzling all afternoon and she won’t tell me what’s wrong, she isn’t hurt or anything, please help-”

 

“-She’s probably just missin’ ‘er Mum, ‘Arry,” Eggsy said rather distractedly, as he ducked under another volley of gunfire that ricocheted off the concrete wall in front of him. “Try picking her up and givin’ ‘er a good cuddle, or if that don’ work put on some My Li’l Pony or Barbie, she likes ‘em girly cartoons. An’ if that don’t work, call Mum.”

 

“Oh but I can’t do that!” Came Harry’s horrified response down the phone line as Eggsy took cover behind a rack of motor scooters. “Your mother will think I’m incapable of caring for Daisy properly.”

 

“Well I’m sorry, babe, tha’s all I got for ya. Listen, I gotta go, Merlin’s gonna kill ya for callin’ me mid-mission, but I’ll Skype ya on the jet back if she’s still unsettled, hmm? Love ya.”

 

“I love you too, Eggsy,” Harry sighs as the phone call disconnects. Instantaneously, a text message pings to life on his phone, an angry caps-lock transmission from a supposedly irate Merlin. Conveniently choosing not to respond, Harry locks his phone, then drops his gaze to the three year-old still sniffling on his carpeted floor. A tinkling collar jingles slightly as JB balumphs into the room, and after taking in the sight of Daisy’s crying face, immediately takes it upon himself to lick the salty drops off her face. Harry sighs with relief as sobs turn into giggles, and then shakes his head exasperatedly as the hair-brained pug launches an all-out licking assault on the child.

 

“Oh for Pete’s sake, she just had a bath!” Harry managed to separate the two, picking up the small girl.

 

“I guess it’s bath time, round two for you, little miss.” Daisy being the little rascal she is (well, she _ is _ an Unwin) manages to wriggle her small self out of Harry’s arms at the mention of said bath-time, bolting out of the room and into her temporary playroom, closing the door behind her. Harry shook his head and let out a defeated sigh. “You’re just like Eggsy.”

 

After a few minutes of chasing, Harry manages to catch the small girl and wash her a second time. Unfortunately for him, it seemed as if he didn’t wash off all the soap- Daisy manages to slip out of Harry’s washing hands and dashes out of the bathroom, leaving a trail of suds behind. After a few moments of mad chasing, followed by Harry tearing the house apart in pursuit, a bark was heard down the corridor, giving away Daisy’s hiding spot. Following JB’s noisy yapping, Harry was lead to the Daisy’s playroom yet again.

As the sounds of his footsteps thud onto the carpet, a mischievous giggle is heard behind the door, followed by a gasp and a long silence from the other side. Harry took the door knob into his hand and gave it a soft twist, feeling a bit of resistance. He instantly was certain that the little Unwin was on the other side of the door, keeping the door knob tight.

 

“Oh my, the door is locked. How ever shall I get in?” Harry felt a smile creep up onto his face as he played along to the young Unwin’s game. Another mischievous giggle was heard from the other side of the door, and that’s when the white panelled wood suddenly swung open. Within a second, Harry found a dripping-wet toddler attached to his leg, letting the soapy water seep into the expensive fabric of his suit pants. With the door open, an ever excited pug bounds in through the gap as Harry starts wrapping Daisy in her fluffy My Little Pony bath towel.

 

Some time later, after a five-star meal of potato smileys, dinosaur chicken nuggets and the odd vegetable that wasn’t met with a resounding “No!”, Harry manages to dig a My Little Pony DVD out from Daisy’s duffel bag. He seats the squirming toddler on the sofa underneath a fluffy pink blanket whilst he does the washing up, the nonsensical sound of Daisy attempting to sing along to the movie’s songs proving to be quite an interesting backing track. After the cleaning up is done, Harry switches the light off in the kitchen and makes to go into the study, hoping to snag his laptop and maybe fill out some of the paperwork that will surely have been building up in his inbox. Because, as it turns out, caring for a toddler is a full-time job, and Harry doesn’t have as much free time as he’d hoped. He’ll manage just fine though, for the movie still has approximately an hour and fifteen minutes left; more than enough time to send some forms back to Merlin.

 

“‘Arry!” The falsetto sounds as his foot hits the first stair, and Harry turns in his tracks to have his eyes fall upon the small form of Daisy Unwin. She stands in the sitting room doorway, clad in her bright purple and pink Barbie pyjamas, one arm clutched around her precious teddy. 

 

“Yes, Daisy?” Harry returns kindly as the three year-old shifts somewhat awkwardly, stubbing a toe against the carpet.

 

“Watch the ponies with me?” She manages, face hopeful as Harry considers it for a split second.

 

_ Damn Merlin and his paperwork.  _ “Of course,” Harry smiles warmly as he’s hit with a heart-wrenchingly familiar megawatt smile, and a small hand tugs on his as another round of babbling sounds off.

 

“The best pony is Pinkie, and then Rainbow Dash-”

 

And before Harry knows it, he’s cuddled up on the couch, Daisy fast asleep his lap as JB snores at odd intervals a few feet away. He can feel himself nodding off halfway through another My Little Pony adventure, but honestly, he doesn’t quite mind. Maybe, just maybe, he’s getting the hang of this whole babysitting thing. And maybe it isn’t quite so bad, when it’s almost as though he’s slowly winning the coveted affection of the most special little girl in his partner’s life.

 

And when Eggsy sneaks through the door at a bit past two in the morning to find his entire world in a blanketed heap on the couch, My Little Pony long since finished, he can’t help but smile like an idiot at the sight. Harry dozes, glasses askew and hair a little mussed, one protective arm wrapped around a tiny Daisy, whose small mouth is slightly open, and JB, who’s fallen onto the floor mid-snore, little legs poking straight up in the air. A wonderful thing to come home to. 

 

But of course, he can’t help but snap a picture and send it to their colleagues.

  
  


But the thing is with parenting, there are good days but there are also plenty of bad days. And quite honestly, if Harry thought he’d had his bad day yet, he was oh so wrong.

 

When one is attempting to fill out some highly top-secret, confidential documents that must be completed ASAP, whilst also trying to control a rampaging, chocolate-high toddler and a now multi-coloured, equally brazen pug, things do get a little, well, chaotic. This miniature tornado is only magnified when one’s significant other, who just so happens to be far more experienced in child-wrangling, is currently halfway across the world, and last time one checked the surveillance footage, was halfway through disarming a hydrogen bomb, and as such, is unreachable for assistance. 

 

Therefore, Harry believes, raking his hands through his hair exasperatedly as he picks up the chair Daisy has knocked over in her post-sugar rampage for the fourth time, he is totally justified in being a bit frazzled. Ok, maybe not a bit, but sufficiently frazzled enough that he’s the closest to tears he’s been in quite some time.  _ This has been going on for hours- when will it end?! _

 

What a mistake giving a three year-old that bar of chocolate had been, Harry thought regretfully for about the thousandth time, as shrieking sounds of laughter erupted from the playroom he had  _ just cleaned up, oh God, not again- _ and surely enough,  _ well, need I say more? _

 

Some time later after that traumatic experience, which would surely scar Harry for life, he found himself in his study behind his desk, sighing for the umpthteenth time until the little Unwin came bounding in, followed by JB, both of them still active as ever. ‘ _ ’What have I ever done to deserve this?’  _ Harry asked the universe silently.

 

“Daisy, I am very tired. I don’t think I can play house with you,” Harry paused. “For the fifthteenth time. Why not go play with JB?”

 

He lent sideways to the little girl, ruffling her blond hair comfortingly, and sure enough, the small child toddled off. But a rather large crash ensued a short time later, sending Harry bolting down the stairs to find somehow, impossibly, little Daisy had found the pots and pans in one of the cupboards Harry was  _ sure he had child-proofed _ . 

 

Sighing heavily as the cheery three year-old banged the pots together, Harry left her to it. Until a good 15 minutes later, when the crashing was incessant, and giving Harry a rather horrid headache.  _ Oh god, what do I have to do- _

 

Toddlers, as it turned out, do not enjoy crosswords. Putting on a movie did little to dispel Daisy from making mischief, either. No sooner had a Barbie movie been acquired, and Harry had pressed play than did Daisy run into her playroom and  _ mess it up again. _

 

It’s only another 15 minutes later that Harry realises the house has gone quiet. Too quiet. Getting up from his study desk and shutting his laptop with a quiet  _ snick _ , Harry peers out of the study room door and into a quiet, motionless house. He tiptoes into the hallway, eyes peeled for any sign of the toddler and her furry accomplice. 

 

There was nothing. He checked all the rooms and under all the beds, but little miss Daisy was nowhere to be found. It was as though the girl had vanished in a puff of glitter and Frosted Flakes, taking JB with her.

 

“Hey babe.” Eggsy answers his phone, thank god, as calm and collected as ever.

 

“Darling.” Harry tries in vain to keep the raw edge of panic out of his tone.

 

“On the jet home now, can probably pop past Tesco and grab Dais some more of that kids pasta thing she likes for tea tonight if ya want. What’s up?”

 

“Well,” Harry begins, despite the all-out panic blaring in his consciousness. “I seem to have misplaced your sister.”

 

There’s silence on the other end. “....ya WOT?!”

 

“The house is quiet and I’ve checked everywhere, I can’t find her-”

 

“Are ya fuckin’ serious, ‘Arry? Wot if she’s wandered down the street an’ got hit by a car or kidnapped or summat, ya know what she’s like she never sits still-”

 

“I’m trying, Eggsy, I really am! Have you any idea what it’s like to try and write a letter of apology to the Mexican embassy, whilst a toddler is playing the drums with your kitchen pots?-”

 

“-I don’ fuckin’ care, she’s missin’! Are ya glasses on? Tell me your glasses are on. Call Merlin, he must’ve seen where she’s gotten to, he’s always watchin’-”

 

“I do believe my name was mentioned,” came the dry brogue of their favourite Scottish handler over the phone, and both spies sigh with relief.

 

“Merlin, ‘ave ya seen Dais?”

 

“Yeh lost th’ baby, didn’t yeh, ‘Arry.”

 

“....Possibly. No, _ no _ I didn’t lose her! … I  _ misplaced _ her.”

 

“I don’t give a flyin’ fuck what ya call it, lost  _ or _ misplaced, just find my fuckin’ sister, ‘Arry!”

 

But all the honed reflexes and acute senses Kingsman had drilled into him couldn’t prepare Harry for what happened next. When Daisy launched herself out from inside the linen closet onto Harry’s shoulders with a battle cry, one of his mother’s tea towels tied around her neck like a cape.

 

“Oh for heavens’ sake!” The cheeky girl had very nearly scared the shit out of him, and her shrieking giggles are now intermingled with JB’s cheery barks, the pug having also acquired a makeshift superhero cape. 

 

“Oh good, ya found her. See ya when I get home. Love ya, ya prick.” Eggsy hangs up.

 

Harry is quite literally about to give up, let the child run amok, when Merlin’s voice fills his ears again.

 

“Having toddler troubles again, Arthur?”

 

“You don’t know the half of it,” Harry exhales over the resumed clanging of his metal cooking utensils and JB’s wild yapping. “I’m sorry, Merlin, I haven’t been able to get the paperwork done yet, I’ll just have to stay up-”

 

“Listen, Harry, I’ve had an idea,” the handler interrupted, as Harry strained to hear over the cacophony.

 

“Do tell, Merlin.” Any suggestion,  _ anything _ , had to be better than this. 

 

“I really do need that paperwork done, and quite frankly, we need ye here in HQ-”

 

“Are you suggesting that I hire a nanny for the remaining duration of Daisy’s stay with me, Merlin? Because if you are, I’m rather inclined to not listen,” Harry said rather huffily. He could take care of Daisy, he knew he could, he just needed some more time to work things out-

 

“ _ No _ ,” Merlin interrupted derisively. “I’m suggesting yeh simply bring the child t’ work with yeh. The off-duty knights’ll be more than happy t’ keep her occupied, and we’re really sufferin’ without yeh here, ‘Arry. What d’yeh say?”

 

“Hmm,” was all Harry could manage. Now  _ there _ was an idea.

 

As usual, two pairs of oxfords, sizes 12 and 10 respectively, take a company car to Savile Row. As usual, these owners of these pairs of shoes walk through the door of Kingsman Tailors, bidding hello to the tailor at the counter and making a beeline for Fitting Room One. Two palms are pressed to the sparkling mirror, and the room begins to descend the customary hundred feet below the ground, down into the specialised Kingsman Tube station. Two gents in suits sit down on either end of the Tube carriage, as usual, and after a hair-raising five minute or so journey, the Tube stops at its usual station, location classified, of course. And just like every other morning, at precisely 9:03am (they’re always running just a  _ bit _ late), two pairs of Oxfords step off the Tube and into Kingsman HQ.

 

But this time, on this particular morning, these two pairs of Oxfords are joined by a sparkly pink pair of light-up Skechers. The customary Rainmakers are accompanied by a Dora the Explorer backpack. And the bespoke Kingsman suits, worn by Agents Galahad and Arthur respectively, lead the way to some bumblebee print tights, a pink tutu skirt, and of course, a My Little Pony t-shirt. For on this particular morning, Daisy Unwin, clinging tightly to her protectors’ hands, walks her first steps into one of the world’s most top secret spy agencies. 

 

And to be honest, it’s rather a low-key big deal. Not that anyone voices that, of course. For Chester King, the old-fashioned, two-faced bastard that he had been, was rather set in his ways. Children were to be seen and not heard, and  _ especially _ not brought into one’s workplace. But now Harry was at the helm, the man himself noted with a smidgen of smugness, and Kingsman was now home to far more women (handlers and agents alike), publicly out gay couples (if you thought Harry and Eggsy were the only ones, think again), and children. Chester was probably rolling in his grave similarly to a washing machine cycle. 

 

“Arthur.” Merlin greeted. 

 

“Merlin.” Harry responded with a dash of relief. Here was hoping the Scot’s plan would work. 

 

Daisy moved to hide behind Harry, away from the hard stare of the bigger man. Harry was just about to say something to Merlin when he felt a small tug on the side of his bespoke pants and he turned to look at the small Unwin with a questioning expression on his face. “Yes, Miss Daisy?”

 

“‘rry, ‘rry! Why does tha’ man have no hair?”

 

Harry was not the type of man under any sort of circumstance, who would laugh so much that his insides would hurt. But today, Harry couldn’t feel his face nor his limbs. He laughed so much that his eyes watered and his stomach felt as if it had been stabbed, not that it hasn’t happened before.

 

“Ahem-” Merlin brought his hand up to his mouth and coughed into his fist, his face flushed red reaching from his cheeks to the back of his neck.

 

“Sorry Merlin, Miss Daisy is not exactly  _ subtle _ .” After Harry regained composure, he picked up the little Unwin and propped her up onto his hip.

 

“Ya see, Daisy, our new friend Merlin here has no hair ‘cause-” Eggsy began as he entered into the common room, but was interrupted by Merlin, who finished with a knowing sigh, “-I’ve been dealing with the likes of yeh for far too long for my hair t’ even attempt to regrow itself. Because it knows far too well that I’ll simply pull it out, with all the sh-” he actually looks reproachful at Eggsy’s warning gaze.

 

“- erm, poo you give me.” 

 

“‘Hair pulled ‘owt?!” Daisy exclaims in horror as she whispers it audibly into Harry’s ear, the man in question sending Merlin an amused glance. 

 

“Not your hair, Daisy, his hair,” came a female voice, and Roxy appeared by Merlin’s shoulder, much to the little girl’s delight.

 

“Aunty ‘Ross’y!” The three year-old squeals in delight, reaching out excitedly as Roxy swings her around, laughing, bringing ridiculously goofy grins to the 3 men with her.

 

“Are gonna be working with us today, Daisy?” Roxy asks the girl with a smile as she settles, and Harry feels his heart melt a little more at the adoring look Eggsy’s sister gives their Lancelot. 

 

“‘es, Yes, Yes!” She claps her tiny hands together, and Roxy refocuses her attention on the other agents around her, whilst continuing to speak to the child in her arms.. 

 

“So you want to come and sit with Aunty Roxy during the very important meeting?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Do you promise to be a good girl?”

 

“Yes, Aunty ‘Ross’y!”

 

“Well alright then,” Roxy smiles again, making Merlin shake his head exasperatedly. “It seems we have an extra member for our Round Table Meeting today, gents.”

 

_______________________________________________________________________

 

So for a change, an eleventh chair is added to the Round Table, with a cushion on the seat for height purposes, and little Daisy is introduced to the remaining unfamiliar faces that also at around the ‘Big Big Table’. To the knight’s credit, no one complained at the small girl’s presence- Harry was rather relieved when all of them seemed to take a shine to the younger Unwin, cooing over her incessantly. Well, at least they wouldn’t be short of volunteers to babysit whilst both Harry and Eggsy were busy.

 

Daisy was also well-behaved as promised, considering the Table meeting did drag on rather longer than usual. She sat quietly on her cushion, colouring in for some time, before eventually moving to the floor to play with her Barbies when she realised that the Important Meeting wasn’t quite so interesting for a three year-old. She only interrupted twice, once to ask to go to the potty, and to ask why the bad man on the screen Merlin was gesturing to had such ‘a poopy face’. 

  
  


“So ‘ya tellin’ me tha’ this guy is our mark?” Eggsy burst out, standing up from his chair and pointing at the target’s face displayed via their glasses on the mirror. “He’s a fuckin’ teenager and you’re tellin’ us that we ‘ave to find this cherry boy, kick his arse and blow his fuckin’ head off?!”

 

“ _ Eggsy calm down _ ,” Harry hissed, pulling rank on his partner as the other knights watched awkwardly. 

 

“Yes - that man is our mark, but don’t let his physique fool you, Galahad. He may be a teenager but a _cherry_ _boy_ he most certainly is not.” Tirade finished, he glanced at the fuming Eggsy, and then at Daisy. 

 

The little girl’s eyes were as wide as saucers at her brother’s ragous outburst, little periwinkle pools of doubt. To appease her, Harry smiles warmly. “Do not worry Miss Daisy, we are simply having a disagreement.”

 

“Please don’t ‘ight with Eggy, mister ‘Arry.” Daisy looked up at him, the smallest hint of tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

 

“Oh Dais, don’t worry. Mister ‘Arry and I are just talking ‘bout some things. Go on, go and play wif your dolls, Dais. This won’t be long.” Eggsy stepped away from the round table and crouched down to talk to his little sis.

 

_ Oh boy, this is going to be a long meeting,  _ Merlin thought from the other end of the table. Indeed he was right;  Daisy  _ only _ interrupted the meeting sixteen more times, dragging a 1 and a half hour meeting to a good three hours. 

 

_ Like brother, like sister, eh? _

_ “Daisy...always climbing up the same tree…” _

 

Eggsy’s soft but sure voice carries from up the stairs, rousing Harry from where he’s dozing in his armchair. Blinking blearily, raising a hand to smooth his gently mussed hair, Harry exhales tiredly, letting his head fall back against the seat. Today had been simply exhausting. The meeting had gone on for close to four  _ hours _ , after Daisy’s interruptions and with all the catching he’d had to do after being away from work for a week. He knew the child didn’t mean to delay or interrupt; she was only three, after all, and had no understanding that her brother, Harry and the knights were talking about internationally sensitive information that could, in the event of it falling into the wrong hands, start yet another world war.

 

Daisy’s priorities were first and foremost her own care- and on the event she didn’t feel she was being shown enough love, she demanded to be sat in Eggsy’s lap. And then Harry’s. And then Roxy’s. And every other knight at the table, one to the next until she’d completed at least three full laps of the very rectangular round table in under an hour. Merlin’s face when she demanded to sit on his knees, however, had taken the cake. The quartermaster looked as though he’d rather ingest a pint of lighter fluid than hold the child.  And whilst Daisy’s antics were quite cute and all, unfortunately the knights had been trying to sort out some rather serious matters.

 

_ “Daisy, you got me...” _ Eggsy’s voice captures Harry’s attention again - his dear boy had a magnificent voice, after all - and, rousing himself from his armchair, Harry stumbles quietly up the stairs, and closer to the spare bedroom, which was being used as Daisy’s room for the duration of her stay with them. Dear god, had six days already passed?! 

 

Only eight days left, Harry reminded himself. 192 hours until he could safely say he had survived taking care of Daisy Unwin. Don’t get him wrong, it’s not that he isn’t enjoying this; he is, far more than he expected to enjoying childcare. But it was rather draining...

 

Yet all treacherous thoughts of the relief that would come in eight days were wiped from Harry’s thoughts as he took in the sight before him. 

 

Tiny Daisy Unwin, snuggled up beneath her Dora the Explorer bedcovers, eyes drooping sleepily. And her brother, kneeling by her bedside, one hand stroking her blonde waves as he sings to her quietly, neither sibling noticing Harry’s presence in the doorway. 

 

_ “Broken record stuck on repeat, Daisy you got me _

_ Daisy, don’t you know that you’re amazing?  _

_ And I would take the light out of the stars to help you see _

_ Anything to guide you straight to me...” _

 

The love and tenderness in Eggsy’s eyes as he gazes down at his almost-asleep sister, still singing quietly, almost brings Harry to tears. He’s heard Eggsy sing this one to Daisy before, a few nights prior, and one time over the phone on assignment when the little girl couldn’t sleep. But this time, this time it was different.  The bond they shared, half-brother and half-sister, was so strong that it seemed to crackle in the air, a warm aura surrounding the two, lit by the soft glow of the lamp.

 

_ “Let me show you how a kiss should taste _

_ Trust me, I won't give your heart away _

_ Why you running, running when you got it right here? _

_ Oh, I would love you if you let me...” _

 

_ “Daisy…” _ In the midst of the song, the little girl’s eyes had fluttered shut, cherubic mouth slightly parted as she slipped away into sleep, Eggsy’s voice ringing out with the final note. Smiling softly, eyes still warm with affection, the young man presses a soft, featherlight kiss to his sibling’s forehead. In that moment, Harry Hart knew that he would give the entire earth, and probably the universe too, if it meant that he could witness Eggsy singing Daisy to sleep just one more time. 

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Following Daisy’s first workplace excursion, a few adjustments are made. And by adjustments, Harry means the Kingsman staff move heaven and earth to make sure the little girl is spoilt absolutely rotten. 

 

A mysterious box makes its way into Harry’s office, which the Kingsman chief opens to find what looks to be a pile of  interconnected padded straps.

 

“What on earth?...” he murmurs incredulously, as Merlin steps through the threshold with a fresh stack of papers for him to peruse.

 

“I don’t recall signing any documents issuing abseiling kits to knights,” Harry remarks, looking to Merlin questioningly.

 

The Scot snorts. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s a baby harness for Daisy.”

 

Harry chokes on the mug of coffee he has just raised to his lips. “Pardon?”

 

“Don’t be rude,” Merlin chides with a straight face. “Ector designed it, ‘specially. It’s standard kevlar, with a stiff carbon fibre backing to protect her head and back.”

 

Harry felt rather faint all of a sudden. “Correct me if I’m wrong Merlin, but are you seriously considering sending agents into the field with a  _ toddler _ strapped to their chests?!”

 

“Relax, Haz.” Eggsy wanders in, trailed by his miniature. A lollipop has stained Daisy’s cheeks bright red.  “I’ve already read Merlin the riot act. It’s just so if we’re lookin’ after Dais and need t’ do some trainin’ and no one’s on break, we can bring ‘er wif us.”

 

“It even comes wif  li’l earmuffs for her, look,” his lover placates, fishing around in the cardboard box to retrieve some insignia-ed headgear. 

 

“Hmm…”

 

And if anyone saw Harry Hart later that afternoon at the shooting range, with Daisy in her protective harness, earmuffs safely clamped over her ears, they must’ve been dreaming. Or taking photos to send to all the other knights. 

 

Speaking of which, the youngest Unwin had no shortage of volunteers willing to give her their time. In fact, it wasn’t a rare occurrence these days that the knights of Kingsman went out of their way to spend time with little Daisy, making any and every excuse possible. 

 

“She didn’t like playing chess with me very much, then complained she was hungry,” shrugged Bors to Harry, as Daisy went on another sugar-fueled rampage in HQ, hotly pursued by every single agent’s dog. “I always have sweets in my drawer- how could I refuse?”

 

“My paperwork might be a bit late, Daisy’s making me watch Dora the Explorer with her,” Gareth explained to a less than impressed Merlin one afternoon.

 

“You can’t send me to Mumbai,” Roxy argued. “I promised Daisy I’d take her swimming in the pool later!”

 

The sight of Merlin in a pink tulle tutu skirt, awkwardly performing pirouettes to Angelina the Ballerina with Daisy was not a memory Harry was likely to ever forget. Especially since Eggsy had managed to take a sneaky video on his phone, before the mortified handler had noticed several agents rolling on the floor behind him- and it certainly wasn’t from food poisoning.

 

But whilst she basked in the unrelenting attention lavished upon her by the agents, Daisy would always have one very clear favourite.

 

“N _ oooooo _ ,” The little girl wailed, as Eggsy tried to board the jet to Uganda for the seventh time. “Eggy!”

 

“Dais.” There’s a hint of frustration in Harry’s partner’s tone as he tries to detach the sobbing toddler from his leg. “I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise. It’s only for one night.”

 

“Nooooo,” she cried again, and wincing, Eggsy pried her from his leg and held her close momentarily, carding a capable hand into her blonde locks. 

 

“Promise me you’ll be good, ‘kay?” A kiss on the head later, and Harry is now saddled with the still blubbering toddler, whose screams increase in volume as with a farewell peck, the older man exits the hangar so the jet can take off safely. And on his way to his office, in search of a favourite teddy, Harry might just pause by Merlin’s office, and berate him for making Daisy so upset by sending her brother away when plenty of other agents were available.

 

“I am restricting your Daisy privileges until Eggsy returns.” 

 

It’s the first and only time he’s ever seen Merlin pout.

 

“Yeh are a cruel, cruel man, Harry.”

 

The only cruel thing about it was the monstrous amount of pink-themed stickers Harry was forced to buy baby Unwin to cheer her up. 

 

Every parent, temporary or permanent, knows how it feels to see their little one happy in the arms of another. To eventually have their offspring returned to them, but never being able to unsee such a sight. And try as they might, that little pinprick of jealousy, of ‘ _ what if he/she loves them more than me?’ _ can’t ever completely be extinguished.

 

So it’s utterly unsurprising when Harry Hart turns into a hissing, slit-eyed beast, lime green with jealousy at the suggestion that anyone is a better parent than him.

 

“Where’s Percy?”

 

“You mean Percival, darling?” Harry asks the three year-old, as he serves her lunch- a ham and cheese sandwich cut carefully into identical squares,  _ not _ triangles, as he had learned the hard way some days earlier. 

 

“Mmmf,” comes the reply from a mouth full of food, as the little girl swings her legs from the HQ break room sofa. 

 

“Ah, there you are!”

“Percy!” squeals Daisy, sandwich all but forgotten as she flings herself at the beanpole spy. “Time for tea party?”

 

“Tea party?” Enquires Harry, raising an eyebrow to Percival.

 

“Ah yes, our tea party, held every forty-eight hours,” replies the brunet a tad smugly,  as though this is an event Harry should most definitely be aware of. “Very exclusive- only myself, Daisy and Mr Bear are invited.”

 

“Is that so?” Harry murmurs, as Daisy skips away with the other gent, hand happily linked with his. 

 

Coincidentally,  _ another _ tea party is held the very next day, in the privacy of Harry’s own home. The entire lavish affair, of streamers and pink embroidered tablecloths,  is live-streamed to every knight, who each coo over the itty-bitty sandwiches and cakes Harry definitely didn’t stay up until 3am making. It’s a complete success, with an uber VIP guest list of two- himself and Daisy, Eggsy is in Macau,  _ again _ \- and Harry’s eye only twitches when Daisy shatters a 5th-generation porcelain teacup, because his tea party is  _ far _ superior to Percival’s. And if he receives an email from the latter, something along the lines of “You win, you petty bastard,” what of it? 

______________________________________________________________________

 

Harry honestly thinks he’s adjusting to parenting rather smoothly, thank you very much. Every parent goes through the same stages, according to Google. Fear, that their baby won’t like them, or that they won’t look after them properly; Adoration, in which the baby can do no wrong; Frustration, where the baby’s antics nearly bring them to tears.

 

But he had yet to experience the level-up of Fear: the full-blown Terror at the thought that the little one is ill.

 

“Eggsy, Daisy’s got a temperature- she’s sweating and bright red, has a fever, Google says her symptoms are consistent with flu, heatstroke or mononucleosis-”

 

“Relax, Harry.” Eggsy scoops the whimpering toddler out of Harry’s fretful arms. “ She’s got too many layers on. Bloody ‘ell, she’s wearing her entire wardrobe!”

 

“I thought she might get cold,” Harry said a tad defensively, watching as Eggsy stripped his sister of two jackets and a pullover. “It’s chilly outside.”

 

“In the Arctic, yes,” his boyfriend remarks. “But all ya need for a walk t’ the park is  _ one _ jacket, not every piece of clothing she owns!”

 

Yet illness is not the only creator of sheer terror within parents’ minds. For children themselves, whilst they are young, are bumbling, awkward creatures who are highly skilled in the art of injuring themselves.

 

_ “Galahad, well done with the op- that gang leader dinna stand a chance. But we need yeh back at HQ, pronto.” _

 

“Righto,” Eggsy replies unsurely through the comms link, shifting in the back of the Kingsman cab as it sped out of Newcastle. “Er, what’s the hurry?”

 

A heavy, pained sigh is audible. “ _ Daisy fell down the stairs and bumped her head, and your maniac of a boyfriend is refusing to let our poor medical staff go home for the day until they run every test under the sun on her.” _

 

“.....I’ll be right over.”

_________________________________________________________________________

Time flies beyond comprehension, and after just a few more days of toddler-taming, Michelle is home, looking very well rested. 

"Oh my Dais, look how big you’ve gotten!” She scoops her precious daughter into her arms and spins her around, the latter squealing with delight as she zooms precariously close to the hallway light. 

“I can’ thank ya two enough for this,” she kisses Harry and Eggsy each on the cheek, giving both a one-armed hug. “France was amazin’, can’t remember the last time I ‘ad a holiday!”

“Glad ya enjoyed it, Mum,” Eggsy grins genuinely at her, as Daisy rests her head on her mother’s shoulder.

“Now, were you a good girl for Eggsy and ‘Arry?” The woman coos to her daughter, smiling contentedly. “What did you get up to? Did you have fun?”

A myriad of traumatising scenarios flicker through Harry’s mind as he waits for the little girl’s response. 

“Yeah,” Daisy murmurs quietly but happily, and Harry’s tense shoulders sag with relief. 

“We went to the park, and the movies…” Eggsy encourages his younger sister.

Daisy’s eyes grow wide with recollection. “We went to work, Mummy!” She crows happily, as her mum nods along intently. 

“I got to play with the guns!”

There’s a frozen kind of silence. “The hot glue gun, Mum,” Eggsy says hastily, as Michelle’s eyebrows disappear into her fringe. “The very switched-off, stone-cold hot glue gun at the tailor shop.”

Michelle gives her son a long look, then relents, as Harry remembers how to breathe. “She’s still in one piece, don’t matter either way,” she laughs, gazing at her tiny daughter with adoration. 

All the pink bags are packed up, and there’s a last cuddle for JB before Michelle bundles Daisy into the car and drives off, hand waving wildly out of the car’s window as she rounds the corner of the cul de sac. It had been an eventful few weeks to say the least- the trauma of the bathtime incident, that day where he  _ misplaced  _ her, the many, many tantrums and the sheer exhaustion of caring for another human 24/7 would never truly leave Harry.

But then he recalls the high, genuine laughter. The excursions across London, the construction of HQ into a Daisy Entertainment Centre. The tea parties, the My Little Pony movie songs stuck in his head, reading her bed-time stories with Eggsy. How he’d grown to know just where to tickle a three year-old to make her laugh maniacally, and expect the tornado of bubbles that always accompanied bath time. 

There’s something burning Harry’s eyes as he watches Daisy disappear, one tiny hand pressed against the window from her car seat, and he blinks away the salty tears.

“Are you  _ crying,  _ ‘Arry?” Eggsy whispers incredulously, peering up at his taller boyfriend as they linger on the balcony. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Harry says thickly, blinking furiously as he wipes the fog from his glasses, clearing his throat in the overcast morning light. 

“Aww, babe.” Eggsy pulls Harry closer, the warmth of the young man’s frame a small, meaningful comfort in the face of the sudden, child-shaped hole in his life. 

After a moment, they wander back inside, until Harry’s slippered foot steps on something rather sharp. 

“Ouch!” 

A tiny pink Barbie shoe yield from under his heel, barely bigger than Harry’s fingernail as he holds it in palm. Despite the dull pain in his foot, a smile works its way onto Harry’s face. 

“Eggsy.”

“Yes, babe?” The latter acknowledges as Harry enters the spare room, halfway through stripping Daisy’s former bed of its sheets. 

Harry steps closer. “The house is rather quiet now, don’t you think? There’s no little voices or little feet pattering around, and I rather do miss it.”

“You’ve been dying internally every day she stays with us, and now not five minutes after she’s gone, you miss her?” Eggsy chuckles to himself, the sheets a neat stack of folded material. Once they’re in his arms, he turns- and sees that there’s no jesting in Harry’s eyes. 

A small kind of grin slides across Eggsy’s face as Harry approaches his lover, basking in that megawatt smile he loves oh so dearly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying, ‘Arry?”

“I do believe I am,” Harry says a little smugly, a special kind of light magnifying his hazelnut eyes. He runs the backs of his fingers down Eggsy’s cheek gently. 

“I’d do anything to have another set of your beautiful eyes to call our own.” He kisses the other agent’s forehead with a whisper. 

Eggsy makes no objections, nuzzling into Harry’s neck affectionately. There’s a comfortable silence, and then he pipes up amusedly, “You do realise that I am lacking in the uterus department, right? Kinda makes it a bit difficult to knock someone up without one.”

Harry pulls back, studying his darling’s youthful features with tenderness, but with a roguish twinkle behind his glasses.

“Oh, my dear boy, that isn’t going to stop me from trying.”

Let’s just say that neat stack of sheets between them didn’t stay that way for long. They were tossed rather unceremoniously onto the spare room’s floor, as Harry carried the love of his life down the hall to their bedroom with a chorus of intermingled giggles and laughter.  

The tiny pink Barbie shoe lay forgotten on the carpet, sniffed at by JB, then ignored. But with a little hope, some help, and a fair bit of time, another little girl would come into this glorious world to find it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the image of Merlin attempting to wrangle a Hartwin child warms your heart until the end of time. 
> 
> Also if anyone wants to draw Eggsy or Harry with the baby harness kicking ass, please feel free :P


End file.
